Why am I Still Single? - Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell - Love and Life Podcast

Why am I Still Single?

I Couldn’t Find the Book I Needed…So I Wrote It

A few years ago I was 40 years old and single without a man in sight.

Everyone had an opinion as to why I wasn’t married. I was too picky, too intimidating, too focused on my career, too neurotic, too analytical, and too sensitive. There had to be something wrong with me, right? Otherwise, I’d be married like everyone else my age.

But despite the accusations, I felt pretty darn normal.

Still, I wanted to be proactive so I headed to the self-help section for advice and encouragement.

Wrong move.

Titles in the dating/relationship genre provided more shame than support and more disparagement than empowerment. They firmly reinforced the “something’s wrong with you” message, insisting I needed to resolve all my relationship issues and unearth any man-repelling pathologies if I ever hoped to find love.

I didn’t buy it—the message (or the books.)

Where was the voice of reason? Couldn’t anyone else see the obvious—that we can’t control every aspect of our lives and in many cases people are single simply because they have yet to meet the right person? Why couldn’t relationship experts just acknowledge this reality? And where was the book applauding singles for refusing to settle and having the strength to go it alone?

Well, I couldn’t find that book.

So I wrote it.

The above comes from the preface of my book, Single is the New Black: Don’t Wear White ‘til it’s Right.

It’s available on Amazon and Barnes&Noble or on my website.