I Called it Loyalty, but it Wasn’t
The other day “Wild Horses” came on the radio.
I hadn’t heard it in a while. As music will do, it took me back.
Back to Dylan. He loved The Stones. And he loved that song.
Years ago, we sang it to each other on the dance floor at a bar in Chicago.
Dylan had just gotten back in town after having moved to New York to pursue his dream of being a filmmaker.
Even though he’d broken up with me, we kept in contact and visited each other, acting as if we were still a couple whenever we hung out.
Big mistake on my part.
Pretending to be a couple with my ex kept me stuck.
Stuck and connected.
Stuck to a dead relationship.
Connected to a man who said he loved me but left me.
But I was loyal.
“Wild horses couldn’t tear me away…”
And Dylan was going to work out his emotional stuff—the stuff that made him say he needed to “do this alone.”
And then he’d come back to me.
And I’d wait patiently. Because I was loyal.
“Wild horses couldn’t tear me away…” Um, seriously??? Wild horses couldn’t tear me away from a man who’d willingly left me? What kind of stupidity was that!?!
I called it loyalty. But it was stupidity.
And let me be honest. I knew I was being stupid.
I knew it was ridiculous to hang on to a guy who’d broken up with me and moved away from me.
And deep down I knew he was never coming back to me.
My gut kept telling me this.
But my heart refused to listen.
My heart called it loyalty.
My gut called it stupidity.
And my gut was right, of course.
P.S. For the scoop on what science tells us about trusting our gut vs. following our heart, check out my collab with @the_fairy_godfather.
P.P.S. Thank God my gut finally won out. Because if I’d stayed stuck I would have never met Dan.